If you have spent any time around a child in a situation where you absolutely need the child to pay attention and they will not don’t worry; your experience is shared with many.It almost feels like a conspiracy. They know you are:
a) in a hurry so they purposefully stall,
b) in front of a friend who seems to be looking down her nose at your parenting skills,
c) trying to make a good impression so they do their best to make the worst, or
d) fill in the blank with your own horrifying experience.
Raising children is a time consuming, never- ending, exasperating, and totally rewarding experience. There are ways to talk so your children will listen to you though, making those uncomfortable situations a little less stressful. Of course, when all else fails, you can always do what I do: shrug your shoulders, smile wanly, and hope to find the look of compassion in another’s eyes!
One of the most important things to do when speaking to children is to make sure you have their attention. So many times we speak above them and expect instant obedience. When you really want a child’s undivided attention, get down on their level and ask to see their eyes. If a child is attending to you through eye contact, then their mind is on what you are saying. If you are on their level, but their eyes are somewhere else, you can bet they are thinking about what they are looking at, and not what you are saying. You may have to gently, but firmly, take their chin in your hand and divert their eyes to your face. Speak slowly and in short sentences. Ask often for clarification. Depending on the age of your child, they should be able to tell you what you are telling them. A two year old may only get the gist of what you are saying, versus an eight year old who can repeat it verbatim.
Get straight to the point. When too much time, or lecturing, occurs between the time you say what you want and the time they engage in the activity you wanted them to do, they can forget. I like to think of children’s minds like this: a whirlwind of activities that are not related, in any way. They can be thinking about what they want to have for a snack, a cartoon, a new toy, and how they would like to go swimming, all in the same frame of time. Enter Mommy’s voice. This is what they hear: “Tommy....train set...Thomas!....ice cream…chocolate, no, vanilla...pick up....I wish Dragon Tales was on... your toys...when Daddy comes home we can play baseball....now....is that Mommy?Thomas!!” By this point, you are totally frustrated, on the verge of screaming, and your child has no idea why you are angry. So, get on their level, maintain eye contact, speak slowly and deliberately, and allow them time to follow through. Sometimes children need a few extra seconds to process what you have said and be able to react to it. Be patient and allow them to do it on his or her own. It helps build confidence.
