Domestic Violence - Is there an escape?

I don’t see why you want to work outside of the home at such low wages; I would be embarrassed to mention to my friends that you work as an office help; think of my status in society. 

I don’t think you could survive on your own.  Who would hire you?  So, don’t you threaten me with leaving, you should be happy that you have such a beautiful home and a credit card.  

The above statements are all true, and guess what?  Most women who have statements like these directed towards them will rationalize it as being indicative of how much their husbands/partners/boyfriends look out for their best interests.  All of these are instances of verbal abuse, a form of domestic violence which can be very hurtful, even though there are no bruises to show.  Most of us can sympathize with a woman whose partner is yelling at her in the restaurant or is using four letter words when there is company.  But if you are away from your family or an immigrant, as is the case in the above instances, whom would you talk to about it?  Your family of origin is very reluctant to get involved as there is really not much evidence to go by.  Perhaps, you can talk to a social worker or a therapist.  But, wait a minute, would this not be a stigma?  What would you say when your spouse finds out?

Today, domestic abuse/violence is prevalent in every type of intimate relationship: married and unmarried couples, divorced and remarried. It can occur with the rich and poor, educated and the not so educated, young and old, as well as those who have been married for five years or are celebrating their 50^th wedding anniversary.  Even though, thanks to women’s efforts, there have been several laws passed and more governmental intervention, the problem has not in any way diminished.  Misogyny is alive and well, and many women continue to tolerate violence from their spouses and boyfriends.  For every woman who finally gets out of an abusive relationship (after going back to the abuser several times), there are many who never seek any kind of help.

What if there was a way to offer hope and friendship, and build self esteem without having to leave your family? While in no way proposing that domestic violence in any form is justified, after many years of being exposed to the unfortunate reality, there is an urgency to think outside of the box and at least begin the healing process. 

In many cultures, women tend to have special relationships with other women in their social circles.  Since childhood, most women have a special friend or two who share their secrets and they are there through all the emotional upheavals of puberty and teenage years. When you get married or have a boyfriend, you hope that the same kind of emotional connection will continue with your partner. Sometimes the circle of women friends grows and they continue to share joys and sorrows, but often women may not find the kind of connection they were hoping for with their spouse. They might no longer be able to maintain their previous friendships, especially if they have moved away from their places of origin. 

I think a healing solution might be to create friendship circles, small havens where women would have an opportunity to meet, discuss ideas, and share thoughts.  These gatherings might have goals of empowering women, and allowing them to contribute to their healthy emotional growth and overall well-being.  These groups would fulfill the role of a good friend and neighbor, and would allow women (who are not necessarily in an abusive relationship) to support each other.  I have participated in such a group for some time now, where in my case, women of similar faith meet once a month and discuss topics of interest to the members. It is time to laugh, support, and problem-solve with each other.  As a professional social worker, I see the need for emotional and spiritual support among women. A group which I call “friendship circle” might just do the trick.  If you are interested in starting a “friendship circle,” you can contact me by e-mail, munira@spirit-mag.com