Children of Alcoholics: The Tormenting Role

By: Nitaya Chawla 

Excerpt from original article 

According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, one in five adult Americans lived with alcoholics while growing up. These children are four times more likely to grow up to become alcoholics. It is important to remember that alcoholism affects the structure of the whole family. Experts have found that children from alcoholic homes are more likely to have emotional, behavioral, academic, and physical problems.

There are different ways in which children adjust to being in an alcoholic home. Children of alcoholics often take on an adult role. If a parent is not fulfilling his or her role as a parent then a concerned child sometimes obligated to become the substitutionary guardian for himself/herself or other siblings. The roles for the parent and child are then reversed. Children end up losing their childhood when they take on adult responsibilities. Usually these children try to get good grades and stay out of trouble. They do this because they do not want to cause any disruption that would cause their parents to drink more or become abusive.

While many of these children may do well in school, with all the chaos going on, it is understandable that a good number of children in alcoholic homes find it difficult to concentrate on schoolwork and may suffer academically. These children may express their frustration in school in an unexpected way. Instead of outwardly misbehaving, they may choose to lay low, making themselves invisible so as not to draw any attention to themselves, their problems, or their family. Often these children are victims of sexual, physical, mental, or emotional abuse.

The parents are often neglectful and fail to nurture the child and provide the care in which they need to grow and learn. Also,the affected parent’s judgment is so impaired that he or she does not make reasonable decisions when it comes to the children. This contributes to the tendency towards sexual, , mental, or physical abuse.

Children need to idealize their parents in order to survive, but often blame themselves for their parents’ addiction. They believe that they can stop their parents from drinking if only they were good enough or if their parents loved them enough. These children find it easier to blame themselves for the effects of alcoholism than to correctly attribute the responsibility to their alcoholic parents. This blame causes these children to feel inadequate, guilty, and ashamed. They often feel that they are not lovable enough because, if they were, then their parents would not drink. The parents may even indeed directly assign fault to the child for their drinking by saying, for example, that if they did not cause so many problems then they would not have to drink.